STANLEY X!
by Herbert J Schlomiczaihjioanego
Summary: Stanley must save the universe in one last effort to stop the Xaxylaxionz! Can he find all the thing to stand a chance against the might of the Xaxylaxion leader? Who is the Xaxylaxion leader? Why am I asking you these questions? I dunno. But read it. You might like it. Rated M for loads of violence, swearing, and guns. Based on the Playhouse Disney show, "Stanley" So yeah. Read it
1. Prologue 1: The Saga Begins

SUPER TOM CLANCY'S BILLY BIBBET PRESENTS CONSTANTINOPLE INFINITY'S STANLEY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!: A RIGHTEOUS STORM OF STEAK, BACON, AND FRIED CHICKEN DIRECTOR'S CUT Z: The Official Fan Fiction of the Fan Fiction HD (That was the original title, but doesn't allow names that big. I guess they are bignameist.)

Author's Note: Please review this! I will LOVE YOU. FOREEEEEEVERRRRRRRRRR. I just want to hear what you thought! PLEASE REVIEW IT! PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE! Anyway, on with the story!

_**PROLOGUE 1: THE EPIC SAGA BEGINS**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!" Stanley said as he fired his lazor minigun electric guitar at the evil Ninja Pirate Alien Dinosaurs with lazor vision and miniguns that shot out shurikens that exploded into swords that were on fire. "WHAT THE FUCK DO I FUCKING DO?!" he asked Dennis the goldfish. "Just do what you usually do, Stanley. Use your psychic powers to fight them!" Stanley used his psychic powers to talk to the Ninja Pirate Alien Dinosaurs. "WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS, WHAT THE FUCK" Stanley said through his amazing psychic powers. "We are the Xaxylaxionz, and we're here to fuck your shit up." The Xaxylaxionz said in a deep voice. "SUMMON… ….THE ROTATORS…" Suddenly, a bunch of disks that looked like Google Chrome logos with a fucking creepy-ass face on them that looked like a combination of SCP-087-1 and that face from that the virus Samus makes in that one part in Metroid Fusion. THEY WAS THE ROTATORS. And that is just wrong.

"I've got an idea!" Stanley said. He pushed a button on the wall of his house that said "Super Duper Mega Ultra Nuke of Death That Only Kills Evil Alien Dinosaur Monsters and Creepy-Ass Faces." "EAT **THIS**!" Stanley screamed as he fired the Super Duper Mega Ultra Nuke of Death That Only Kills Evil Alien Dinosaur Monsters and Creepy-Ass Faces from the sky. The missile exploded and killed most of the Xaxylaxionz and the Rotators. The remaining Xaxylaxionz pissed themselves and flew back to their home ship. Also, the heavy thunderstorm cleared up

"Holy fuck that was intense" Stanley said. "What the fuck even was that?" Stanley said to Dennis. "Well, Stanley, I've got grave news." Dennis said. "You see, just yesterday, somebody stole the Great Big Book of Everything!" "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT" Stanley said.

"They used the power of the Great Big Book of Everything to summon Everything!" Dennis said.

"I thought it just had some animals." Stanley said.

"FUCK NO" Dennis the Goldfish said.

"The Great Big Book of Everything contains everything in the universe. Also, it has portals to every other universe ever. You just use it to look at pictures of animals, you fucking casual-ass motherfucker" Dennis said.

The Xaxylaxionz must have come from another universe!" Dennis said.

"Why do they want to kill us?" Stanley said.

"I dunno, maybe they're just assholes" Dennis said.

"I'm gonna tell Stanley's Mom and Stanley's Dad!" Stanley said. He walked back in his house when he saw his mother was making panghetti. It's like a combination of pancakes, spaghetti. and the sauce was blood of dragons made of lazors made of the crushed dreams of the last remnants of mankind. And the syrup was made from the dreams of those lazor dragons. Panghetti was a food of the gods. "Hi Stanley, what happened outside? I just heard some loud noises." Stanley's Mom said.

"The Xaxylaxionz have waged war on humanity! What the fuck do we do?" Stanley said to his mother. Stanley's mother stared at him with the rage of a billion suns. "Has.. …the day come?" Stanley's mother said. "What day?" Stanley said. "The Reckoning, Stanley. Come downstairs. And you too, Stanley's Dad" Stanley's Mom said.

They walked down the stairs to find that the basement looked like ancient ruins but with neon lines like in Tron. "This is the day" Stanley's Mom said. "The Reckoning" Stanley's Dad said. "Stanley, there's something we need to tell you." Stanley's Dad said.

"The Ancient Prophecy fortold of this day. You are the Chosen One, Stanley. You are the only one that can save the universe from the evils of the universes that the portals connecting between theirs and ours were sealed away in the Great Big Book of Everything. Take this." Stanley's Dad said. It was a lazor chainsaw on fire.

"This is the Chainsaw of Destiny" Stanley's Dad explained, "You will need it to destroy the Xaxylaxionz. Also, it is the key to awaken the Huge-Ass-Motherfuckin' Mecha Robot Motherfucker." Stanley's Dad told him. "It's a giant robot mech that you can pilot." The giant robot was made of the tears of angels, and it's eyes were made of the fires of hell, mixed with the meteorite that caused the Tunguska Event, and radiation from the Chernobyl nuclear plant. It looked like Shinji's EVA from Neon Genesis Evangelion but with Stanley's face on it. "Wow" Stanley said. "However, it is dormant right now. Put the chainsaw of destiny on it's crotch." Stanley's Dad told him. Stanley put the chainsaw on the slot in the mecha's crotch, and the chainsaw turned into the Omega Lazor Chainsaw Dickblade. "**I AM AWAKENED" **The Huge-Ass-Mutherfuckin' Mecha Robot Motherfucker said. "**HOWEVER, I REQUIRE POWER**" it said. "Well, how do we do that?" Stanley asked. "The Huge-Ass-Motherfuckin' Mecha Robot Motherfucker is powered by swear words. Like fuck, shit, cunt, motherfucker, cocksucker, tits, and piss" Stanley's Dad said.

So, Stanley said, "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo."

"**READY FOR BATTLE**" The Huge-Ass-Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker said. "Hop on in, and save the world. Also, bring Dennis. And your lazor minigun electric guitar" Stanley's Dad said. "It's time to save the fucking world" Stanley said. "LET'S FUCK SOME SHIT UP"

…**TO**

**BE**

**MOTHER**

**FUCKING**

**CONTINUED…**

…**IN…**

**CHAPTER**

**FUCKING**

**TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**


	2. Prologue 2: Stanley Versus the Hands

_**PROLOGUE 2: STANLEY VERSUS THE HANDS OF FATE**_

"Well I'll fuck a duck" Stanley said as he was fighting the forces of hell who were trying to take over the Robot Motherfucker. He was cutting through the demons like ripe onions. He didn't even give a fuck about the demons attacking them."Where are we going?" "**WE ARE GOING TO FIGHT MANOS, THE GOD OF HANDS **" the Robot Motherfucker said. "Why are we fighting Manos?" Stanley asked. "Google it you lazy fucking dumbass" Dennis said. "But the Xaxylaxionz destroyed Google" Stanley told Dennis. Dennis sighed **REALLY **hard and said, "To put it simply Stanley, Manos is fucking evil. Also, he is a big supporter of the Xaxylaxionz." Stanley accepted this explanation, and just then the Robot Motherfucker said, "**WE ARE ARRIVING AT THE** **TOTALLY-NOT-A-FRONT-FOR-AN-EVIL-HAND-OBSESSED-CULT IN EL PASO, TEXAS. THIS IS THE LOCATION OF MANOS, AND HIS EVIL MINIONS**." The Robot Motherfucker landed outside the motel, and told Stanley, "**GOOD LUCK. YOU WILL NEED IT TO DESTROY MANOS.**" Suddenly, out of the Robot Motherfucker came a robot suit armed with an SMG, and at the core was Dennis' goldfish bowl. "Don't leave without me!" Dennis said. "I wanna fuck shit up, too!" Just as Stanley was going to go in, they heard a really loud "WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH I DON'T WANNA DO IT I JUST WANNA JACK OFF." It could only be one person, and that was…

…**SHINJI IKARI!** (From **Neon Genesis Evangelion**) Oh, and Gendo was there too. "GOD DAMNIT SHINJI YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU NEED TO SAVE THEM." Gendo said. "BUT I CAAAAAAAAAAAN'T" Shinji said. While masturbating.

**AS- **you get the point.

"What appears to be the problem, _gentlemen_" Stanley said with an incredibly heroic look on his face. "**REI AND ASUKA ARE TRAPPED IN THERE AND THE BAD GUY IS GOING TO FUCK THEM AND HE KILLED KAWORU AND HE WAS GOING TO KILL US AND WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**" Shinji said, not being able to say anything else because he's a pussy and shit.

"NO FEAR, WE'LL SAVE THEM!" Stanley said in the most heroic way ever. "LET'S DO THIS MUTHAFUCKA!" Dennis shouted. "I dOn'T tHiNk ThE mAsTeR wOuLd ApPrOvE oF tHaT" A strange voice said. "OH SHIT HE'S HEEEEEEEEEERE" Shinji screamed and ran away.

DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN

(That's the Manos the Hands of Fate theme song)

Anyway….

IT….

WAS…

…**TORGO! **(From **Manos: The Hands of Fate**)

ReLeaSE tHe HeLLHOunDs….

Suddenly, Torgo jumped on a Hellhound. It was 50 feet tall, on fire, and there were ten of them. "Do you seriously think this is fucking fair" Stanley said. "YoU hAvE a GiAnT rObOt, I wOuLd SaY tHaT iS VeRy FaIr" Torgo responded. Stanley said "Oh yeah, that's right. Let's get in the Robot and-wait, where's the robot?"

MEANWHILE, AT A VERY FANCY RESTAURANT...

The Motherfuckin' Robot Motherfucker and Unit-01 were sitting down, having a wonderful date. A waiter came up to there table immediately. "What should I get for you, sire?" the waiter asked the Motherfuckin' Robot Motherfucker and Unit-01.

"Give me a few minutes" Unit-01 said.

BACK AT THE MOTEL….

"SHIET" Stanley said as the hellhounds were crushing him. Dennis tried to fire his SMG, but it was no use. The bullets did nothing to the hellhounds. "NoW wHaT aRe YoU GoiNG tO Do NoW" Torgo said. "THE CHAINSAW OF DESTINY, MOTHERFUCKER! Stanley said. Stanley leaped at the hellhound that Torgo was on. He stabbed it with the Chainsaw of Destiny, causing it to squeal in pain. Shinji was hiding in a bush, pissing his pants. Outstanding, Shinji. Out-fucking-standing. Suddenly, though, the hellhound fired an ENOURMOUS lazor at the speed of 50 billion light-years a second at Stanley. However, he blocked it with the Chainsaw of Destiny! "WHAT NOW, MOFO?" Stanley asked. "ThIs!" Torgo said as he threw a rock at the now severely-weakened Chainsaw of Justice, causing it to shatter, explode, and look, the point is that it can't be repaired. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO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Stanley screamed at the sky.

The Motherfuckin' Robot came back, and said "**I LEAVE YOU GUYS ALONE FOR TWO SECONDS AND YOU DESTROY THE CHAINSAW OF DESTINY. WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS, WHAT THE FUCK.**"

"WHAT DO WE FUCKING DO NOW" Stanley said. "**WE NEED TO GET THE CHAINSAW OF DESTINY II. IT IS IN AFRICA. SOMEWHERE. IN AFRICA.**" The Robot Motherfucker said. "There's a Chainsaw of Destiny… …II?" Stanley said, clearly confused by this. "**YES, I JUST SAID THERE WAS**" MRM said. "Then let's get it and stuff!" Stanley said. "NEXT STOP, AFRICAAAAAA!" Oh yeah, also Shinji and Gendo came, too, as they embarked to find the Chainsaw of Destiny II.

**TO BE CONTINUED… **

alsopleasereviewthisthanksbye


	3. Prologue 3:whats the point of doing this

alright since nobody is reading this the xaxylaxionz ruined the earth ok good night everyone.


	4. Chapter 1: DYKAGWFWAEAE?

"SHIT" Stanley said, "Everyone is dead." He walked around the ruins of New York City, destroyed by the evil Xaxylaxionz. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't save the world. Fuck" he said as he accidentally stepped on one of the mutilated corpses of the last remnants of mankind. The Xaxylaxionz had won. Stanley was the last Earth-born creature alive. Or so he thought…

"Hey, kid. Come here" a mysterious voice said. The voice was coming from a mysterious figure in a black cloak. Stanley couldn't see it's face. "You can go back in time and prevent this." "Use this reset button. It will set time itself back to when you first encountered the Xaxylaxionz. But it only works once. If you fuck this up, though, the universe will be stuck like this. So BE FUCKING CAREFUL." The Mysterious Hooded Figure said.

"OKAY, LET'S DO THIS!" Stanley said as he pushed the Reset Button… …nottuB teseR eht dehsup eh sa dias yelnatS "!SIHT OD S'TEL ,YAKO" .dias erugiF dedooH suoiretsyM ehT ".LUFERAC GNIKCUF EB oS. siht ekil kcuts eb lliw esrevinu…

**HERBERT J. SCHLOMICZAIHJIOANEGO PRESENTS**

**IN A COLLABORATION WITH… …NOBODY *sobs***

**SUPER TOM CLANCY'S BILLY BIBBET PRESENTS CONSTANTINOPLE INFINITY'S STANLEY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXZXXXXX ReLOADED TIMES INFINITY!****¡!¡****!****¡!¡****!****¡!¡!****: THE FINAL REVENGE OF THE MASSACRE**

(Author's Note: Please review this! I will LOVE YOU. FOREEEEEEVERRRRRRRRRR. I just want to hear what you thought! PLEASE REVIEW IT! PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE! Anyway, on with the story!)

_**CHAPTER 1: DO YOU KNOW A GUY WHO'D FUCK WITH AN EVIL ALIEN EMPIRE?**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!" Stanley said as he fired his lazor minigun electric guitar at the evil Ninja Pirate Alien Dinosaurs with lazor vision and miniguns that shot out shurikens that exploded into swords that were on fire. There was a heavy thunderstorm going on during the fight. "WHAT THE FUCK DO I FUCKING DO?!" Stanley asked Dennis, his pet goldfish. "Just do what you usually do, Stanley. Use your psychic powers to fight them!" Stanley used his psychic powers to talk to the Ninja Pirate Alien Dinosaurs. "WHAT THE FUCK, GUYS, WHAT THE FUCK" Stanley said through his amazing psychic powers. "We are the Xaxylaxionz, and we're here to fuck your shit up." The Xaxylaxionz said in a deep voice. "SUMMON… ….THE ROTATORS…" Suddenly, a bunch of disks that looked like Google Chrome logos with a fucking creepy-ass face on them that looked like a combination of SCP-087-1 and that face from Metroid Fusion that the SA-X Samus makes in that one close-up part that made many a children piss their pants. THEY WAS THE ROTATORS. And that is just wrong.

"I've got an idea!" Stanley said. He pushed a button on the wall of his house that said "Super Duper Mega Ultra Nuke of Death That Only Kills Evil Alien Dinosaur Monsters and Creepy-Ass Faces." "EAT **THIS**!" Stanley screamed as he fired the Super Duper Mega Ultra Nuke of Death That Only Kills Evil Alien Dinosaur Monsters and Creepy-Ass Faces from the sky. The missile exploded and killed most of the Xaxylaxionz and the Rotators. The remaining Xaxylaxionz pissed themselves and flew back to their home ship. Also, the heavy thunderstorm cleared up.

"Holy fuck that was intense" Stanley said. "What the fuck even was that?" Stanley said to Dennis. "Well, Stanley, I've got grave news." Dennis said. "You see, just yesterday, somebody stole the Great Big Book of Everything!" "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT" Stanley said.

"They used the power of the Great Big Book of Everything to summon Everything!" Dennis said.

"I thought it just had some animals." Stanley said.

"FUCK NO" Dennis the Goldfish said.

"The Great Big Book of Everything contains everything in the universe. Also, it has portals to every other universe ever. You just use it to look at pictures of animals, you fucking casual-ass motherfucker" Dennis said.

The Xaxylaxionz must have come from another universe!" Dennis said.

"Why do they want to kill us?" Stanley said.

"I dunno, maybe they're just assholes" Dennis said.

"I'm gonna tell Stanley's Mom and Stanley's Dad!" Stanley said. He walked back in his house when he saw his mother was making panghetti. It's like a combination of pancakes, spaghetti. and the sauce was blood of dragons made of lazors made of the crushed dreams of the last remnants of mankind. And the syrup was made from the dreams of those lazor dragons. Panghetti was a food of the gods. "Hi Stanley, what happened outside? I just heard some loud noises." Stanley's Mom said.

"The Xaxylaxionz have waged war on humanity! What the fuck do we do?" Stanley said to his mother. Stanley's mother stared at him with the rage of a billion suns. "Has.. …the day come?" Stanley's mother said. "What day?" Stanley said. "The Reckoning, Stanley. Come downstairs. And you too, Stanley's Dad" Stanley's Mom said.

They walked down the stairs to find that the basement looked like ancient ruins but with neon lines like in Tron. "This is the day" Stanley's Mom said. "The Reckoning" Stanley's Dad said. "Stanley, there's something we need to tell you." Stanley's Dad said.

"The Ancient Prophecy fortold of this day. You are the Chosen One, Stanley. You are the only one that can save the universe from the evils of the universes that the portals connecting between theirs and ours were sealed away in the Great Big Book of Everything. Take this." Stanley's Dad said. It was a lazor chainsaw on fire.

"This is the Chainsaw of Destiny" Stanley's Dad explained, "You will need it to destroy the Xaxylaxionz. Also, it is the key to awaken the Huge-Ass-Motherfuckin' Mecha Robot Motherfucker." Stanley's Dad told him. "It's a giant robot mech that you can pilot." The giant robot was made of the tears of angels, and it's eyes were made of the fires of hell, mixed with the meteorite that caused the Tunguska Event, and radiation from the Chernobyl nuclear plant. It looked like Shinji's EVA from Neon Genesis Evangelion but with Stanley's face on it. "Wow" Stanley said. "However, it is dormant right now. Put the chainsaw of destiny on it's crotch." Stanley's Dad told him. Stanley put the chainsaw on the slot in the mecha's crotch, and the chainsaw turned into the Omega Lazor Chainsaw Dickblade. "**I AM AWAKENED" **The Huge-Ass-Mutherfuckin' Mecha Robot Motherfucker said. "**HOWEVER, I REQUIRE POWER**" it said. "Well, how do we do that?" Stanley asked. "The Huge-Ass-Motherfuckin' Mecha Robot Motherfucker is powered by swear words. Like fuck, shit, cunt, motherfucker, cocksucker, tits, and piss" Stanley's Dad said.

So, Stanley said, "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo."

"**READY FOR BATTLE**" The Huge-Ass-Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker said. "Hop on in, and save the world. Also, bring Dennis. And your lazor minigun electric guitar" Stanley's Dad said. "It's time to save the fucking world" Stanley said. "LET'S FUCK SOME SHIT UP"

…**TO**

**BE**

**MOTHER**

**FUCKING**

**CONTINUED…**

…**IN…**

**CHAPTER**

**FUCKING**

**TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**


	5. Chapter 2: The Hands of Fate X

_**CHAPTER 2: TO FIGHT THE HANDS OF FATE AGAIN TOMORROW FOREVER**_

URAL MOUNTAINS, 4:00 A.M.

Stanley used the Huge Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker, who turned into a snowmobile, to ride through the snowy Ural Mountains in order to reach the Benzopila Base, situated on the top of Mount Narodnaya. "Are you sure that the Chainsaw of Destiny III is here?" Stanley asked. "**YES, IT IS HERE. WE MAY AS WELL SKIP TO THREE. I REALLY DON'T SEE ANY POINT IN GETTING THE CHAINSAW OF DESTINY II**" the HMMRM said. Suddenly, missiles came out of the dark of night! "POLUCHIT' IKH!" the Benzopila guards said. Then they threw grenade launchers at them. Not just the grenade, the whole launcher.

Yeah.

But then, Stanley pressed a big button that made the snowmobile fly above their puny bullets. Then, they crashed through the wall and ran over several members of the Benzopila brigade. They were guarding a case containing the Chainsaw of Destiny III. "Остановите, пожалуйста, не двигаться или нам придется застрелить вас they said. "I have no fucking idea what he said" Dennis said. So, he got out of the snowmobile and stepped down in his newly made robot suit, and used his SMG arm to shoot the Benzopila brigade. "Look, these guys are like bullet-sponges, so get the Chainsaw of Destiny III before they get up!" Dennis said. So, Stanley and the crew cracked the gate containing the Chainsaw of Destiny III and blasted off.

Later, a shadowy figure walked into the room. "WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE, DURAKS?!" it said. "Oh crap" one of the survivors said. "IT'S…

….**MALKOVICH!**

"WHAT IS THE FUCKING MEANING OF THIS BEHAVIOR, DUMMKOPFS?!" Malkovich said.

"I-I'm sorry sir, but…" one of the Benzopila brigade members said.

"BUT WHAT?! NOBODY COULD HOLD THAT THING, SO WHERE THE FUCK DID IT GO?!" Malkovich said. He seemed slightly upset.

"Sir, some kid actually picked it up without getting burnt. I-I know it sounds impossible, but it really happened!" a soldier said.

"What did this kid look like?" Malkovich said.

"He's bald, and he has a red shirt. That's all I remember! Honest! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" the soldier said.

"WE NEED TO FIND THIS BOY" Malkovich said.

Back on the Huge Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker… "Well, how about we get the Chainsaw of Destiny 2? If we're gonna take on Manos, then we may as well get as much firepower as we can" Stanley said. "Wait, but I thought the whole reason we went to Russia was that we decided to skip the Chainsaw of Destiny II?" Dennis said. "Better safe than sorry" Stanley added. "**I AGREE WITH STANLEY. WE SHOULD FIND THE CHAINSAW OF DESTINY II IN ORDER TO HAVE THE BIGGEST ADVANTAGE AGAINST , LET'S GO TO AFRICA**" The HMMRM said. So, they flew to Africa, where the Chainsaw of Destiny II was located.

"I don't see no motherfucking Chainsaw of Destiny II here" Dennis said. "**THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S IN MOUNT KILLIMANJARO. COME ON IN AND LET'S GO**" The HMMRM said, as they flew over to Mt. Kilimanjaro. On the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro, the HMMRM said, "**YOU TWO MUST GO INTO THE INTERIOR OF THE MOUNTAIN TO OBTAIN THE CHAINSAW OF DESTINY II. IT'S VERY DARK IN THERE, SO GOOD LUCK.**" The HMMRM said, as it shot Stanley and Dennis through the summit.

In the caves of Kibo, Stanley and Dennis were hard at work scouring the are in order to find the Chainsaw of Destiny II, but they couldn't see shit. "Gee, it's kinda dark" Stanley said. "You bring a light?" Dennis said. "No" Stanley said, turning his head. Suddenly, **WHAM!**

The Huge Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker slashed through Mount Kilimanjaro! "**WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?**" it said. "Can't see shit" Dennis said. However, with the light that had come from the HMMRM cutting through the mountain, they could see the secret passage! Thus, they went down and found the Chainsaw of Destiny II. "Alright" Stanley said. With these two chainsaws of Destiny, I think we might stand a chance against Manos!" "No, we're gonna kill the fuck out of Manos. Fuck" Dennis said. "OKAY LET'S GO NOW THEN ALRIGHT SUPER AWESOME" Stanley said as they got into the Huge Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker. "**BY THE WAY**" the Huge Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker said, "**DON'T BOTHER CALLING ME THE HUGE MOTHERFUCKIN' MECH ROBOT MOTHERFUCKER. CALL ME, ER, LARRY FOR SHORT.**" So, Stanley and Dennis flew on Larry For Short all the way back to the Totally-Not-A-Front-For-An-Evil-Hand-Obsessed-Cult in El Paso, Texas.

Meanwhile, in the Motel, which now looked like the Eye of Mordor, Manos looked out. (He was the eye). Back inside, Torgo was looking at the world which would soon belong to Manos. "MwA hA hA" Torgo said. "NoBoDy CaN sToP uS nOw" he said to…

…**THE MASTER** (From **Manos: The Hands of Fate**) 

"Yes, you are right, Torgo, nobody will stop us, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOR MANOS!" he said. Shinji and Gendo were _not_ there, I guess the time reset made them do something else. Maybe they were still fucking in the ass, I don't know.

"ShAlL wE sAcRiFiCe ThE vIrGiNs?" Torgo said. He looked out on the balcony when-

***WHAM!***

The Huge Motherfuckin'-Whoops, I mean Larry- punched the fuck out of Torgo, launching him straight into the atmosphere! "TORGO! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" The Master said as he rushed down to see that Stanley and Dennis were there. Stanley was holding both the Chainsaw of Destiny II and the Chainsaw of Destiny III, each in a different hand. Dennis was in his robo-suit with SMG arms. One of the arms was Stanley's lazor minigun. So, Dennis started firing like crazy, unaware that they already killed Torgo. "YOU CANNOT STOP THE HANDS OF FATE!" The Master said as his arms grew to massive proportions. However, massive hands were nothing compared to the Chainsaw of Destiny III. Not even to the Chainsaw of Destiny II. It fucking cut straight through the Master. Fuck.

With Torgo and the Master taken care of, Stanley and Dennis got back into Larry as they prepared to face of with….

…**MANOS! **(You know where he's from by this point)

So, Larry lunged at Manos' giant eye with it's Dual Omega Lazor Dickblades. They didn't do shit, though. "Well, fuck a duck. What do we do now?" Stanley said. Manos slapped Larry really hard with one of his giant floating hands, and threw them down to the ground. "Oh shit, Manos is fucking powerful" Dennis said, worried for his life. "**NO MATTER**" Larry said, "**WE MUST COMBINE OUR POWERS INTO ONE. FUSE THE TWO CHAINSAWS OF DESTINY TOGETHER.**" Larry said. So, Stanley took out the two Dickblades and went back inside of the tower for shelter from Manos' giant fucking eye beams. So, Stanley put them together, to produce **THE SUPER CHAINSAW OF DESTINY V!** So, he put it into Larry's crotch, said fuck a few times, and they blasted up, ready to show Manos how it's fucking done around here. Manos tried to slap Larry again, but Larry used the Dickblade to cut through Manos' hand. "IT BURNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS" Manos screamed. "Aim for the eye!" Peppy Hare said. "EAT THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!" Stanley said as the sword pierced Manos' eye. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Manos screamed as the tower crumbled to dust.

"Holy fuck, that was AWESOME! WE FUCKING KILLED MANOS!" Stanley said. They saw something sparkle in the ruins of the tower, and decided to look at it. "This, Stanley, is why we needed to kill Manos. It's a MacGuffin. We can use these to power up Larry. There are eight MacGuffins that we will likely need in order to stand a chance against the leader of the Xaxylaxionz." Dennis explained. "Then we need to get the next MacGuffin. What are we waiting for? LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Stanley said as they flew toward the sunset, ready for new adventures.

Also, all of the Master's prisoners died when the tower fell. Oops.

Anyway…

**TO BE CONTINUED AGAIN**

**IN**

**CHAPTER**

**T**

**H**

**R**

**E**

**E**

!

!

!


	6. Chapter 3: That Boy Needs Therapy

It was 10:00 AM as the bright moon lit the heavenly cosmos as Stanley and the gang soared over the starry sky that rested atop the British Isles, heading for their next adventure. "So what's our next stop?" Stanley asked as Larry sped through the sky. "**NOW WE HAVE TO KILL VOLDEMORT**" Larry said. "Oh, wow. We're fighting Voldemort. Such amaze. Wow." Stanley said, but then Dennis smacked him across the face. "Don't fucking do that stupid-ass doge shit you hear motherfucker?" he said. "**YES, I HEAR**" Larry the Huge-Ass Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker said. "God damnit, that's not what I meant. Anyways, how are we going to kill Voldemort?" Dennis asked. "Dude, we've got the fucking Chainsaw of Destiny V here, what do you think we're going to use you fucking piece of shit?" Stanley said. "Fuck you" Dennis said as the crew landed at Hogwarts University.

Stanley and Dennis blew up the door to Hogwarts, where they saw a sorcerer screaming at everyone. "FUCK YOU! I'M GONNA FUCK YOU IN THE ASS! IN THE ASS!" It…

…was…

…**DUMBLEDORE!**

"FUCK YOU!" Dumbledore said. "Dude, what the fuck is your fucking problem, motherfucker?" Dennis said. "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU!" Dumbledore said. "Looks like Ninja Theory got to him!" Stanley said *rimshot*. "Oh, Dumbledore is just upset because Voldemort is gonna kill us all" Draco Malfoy said. Suddenly, the room got flooded with fangirls, and Stanley could barely breathe! But he got up on top of the mound of Draco's fangirls, and so did Dennis. "Well, we're here to stop Voldemort and stuff. So EAT THAT MOTHERFUCKER!" Dennis said. "See, the problem is that Voldemort can only be killed by Harry Potter. And he's… …acting strange. "IJFIJIOPWEGNAHIOUEWNGIUOWAENGAEWIOUGNEWLMNDSU998 8941" Somebody said. It was **HARRY POTTER!** (Guess) "AAAAAAAAAAAUGAIOIOOPGAJGKNNXNMNXMXMNCMNVNLNVIPQU39UTN B " Harry said. "What's wrong with him?" Dennis asked. "JGARIAGIHJIHGH829Q88HJJGQ9J89U8G48998Q98U4389U8934G89U398U03U89QGU89GU98JIOWJIJGNGNNGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN" Harry said. Stanley said, "Well, if I had to guess…"

_**CHAPTER 3: THAT BOY NEEDS THERAPY**_

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN" a turtle with an old guy's face on it said. "Harry Potter needs therapy" Stanley said as Harry humped his leg. "0110100100100000011011000110100101101011011001010010000001110000 01101001011001010110010101100101011001010110010101100101011001010110010101100101011001010110010101100101011001010110010101100101011001010110010101100101011001010110010101100101" Harry said. Harry was clearly fucked up. "Let's take him to the psychiatrist." Stanley said. At the psychiatrist, Harry went to meet Dr. John J. Johnson.

"Hello, I'm Doctor John J. Johnson. What is your name?" Dr. John J. Johnson said. "I WANNA TOUCH YER ASS" Harry Potter said. Dr. John J. Johnson said, "Excuse me, but what is your-" "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU IN THE ASSSSSSS" Harry said. He then pulled the psychiatrist's pants down, only for Johnson to smack him right across the face. "FUCK YOU AIOHBKONEAJN EAJOIIW HGUIOWHUHUIAHIUHUGAWUIOHUVD" Harry said. Harry was kicked out of the office, as Johnson told Stanley & Co. "Sorry, guys, but he's beyond my help even. I don't want to get fucked in the ass, so goodbye. I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything." Harry started humping Dennis. I don't even know how that works.

"Well, fuck" Stanley said, "How are we going to kill Voldemort now?" "guys I think ive got a solution lets go to my house." Ron said. So Stanley, Dennis, Draco, and Dumbledore went to Ron's house. "Say, how come you guys call him Voldemort and not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Stanley asked. "Because of Tumblr users" Neville Longbottom said.

"EXCUSE ME, I AM A SELF-PROCLAIMED NO-NAMIE, WHICH MEANS I DON'T TAKE ANY OF THE MAN'S ATTEMPTS AT LABELING ME, AM LITERALLY OFFENDED BY YOUR RACIST MISOGYNISTIC HOMOPHOBIC NO-NAMIST SLURS AGAINST MY PEOPLE. I AM GOING TO WRITE AN ANGRY BLOG ON MY TUMBLR SAYING THAT HOGWARTS IS A HORRIBLE SCUM-FILLED LAND OF BIGOTRY, LIKE I DID WITH ANY OTHER PLACES WHICH DISCRIMINATE AGAINST US NO-NAMIES. DIE NAMED SCUM ALSO REBLOG THIS I'M LITERALLY DYING" an angry Tumblr user screamed at Neville.

"Yeah, that" Neville said. "Hey, so what's the plan, Ron?" He said. "hagrid has the plan and stuff ok bye" Ron said, running and pissing his parts because he was terrified of what Voldemort would do should he catch him. "Alright, what we need to do is get Harry back to the realm of the sane!" Hagrid said. The brilliant plan was met with an ample supply of "NO FUCKING SHIT". Then, Hagrid told them all to fuck off until they had a better plan.

"0100010001000101010011100100010001001001010001010101001100110001 00111000" Harry said. "EH!" he said as he vomited frogs on Dennis' face. "So, when did he start acting like this?" Stanley asked Ron and Hermione. "Well, this all started after Ron deleted Harry's Skyrim save data." "it was really funny" Ron said. "Then maybe it'll be reversed if we beat Skyrim! So Stanley and Dennis sat for months trying to complete all the sidequests that Harry beat. It was long. It was excruciating. But it was at least a bit easier because there were so many glitches to exploit. But eventually, they beat all of Harry's sidequests, and presented him with the results! Harry grabbed the controller, and saw that his save was all better! He turned his head and said…

…"I'M GONNA FUCK YOU IN THE AAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!" "AUGH!" Stanley said as Harry Potter started humping his head. "GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFFFFFF" Stanley said as Harry Potter kept humping him. Eventually, Harry got tired of humping Stanley, and ran away while singing the lyrics to the Dora the Explorer theme song. "Fuck, now what do we do?" Stanley said. "I've got a new idea!" Hargrid said as he was hiding in a dark corner. "Alright, so I'll use a spell on you to make you look exactly like Harry Potter! See, the thing is about prophecies is that if you look exactly like the chosen one, it'll work anyway." "So you guys just need to kill Voldemort yourselves!" Hagrid said. "Kay" Stanley said as he heard Hargrid say a bunch of mumbo-jumbo and threw a stick at him, which inexplicably turned him into Harry Potter! "OH EM GEE I'M HARRY POTTER" Stanley-AKA-Harry Potter said. "You're a wizard, Stanley" Hagrid said. "NOW GO MOTHA FUCKA! KILL THAT BITCH-ASS HOE!" he said. And thus, Stanley leaped back into his trusty metallic stead, Larry, and flew off to Voldemort's house in uptown London. He was trying to make a better life for himself after the whole struggle with Hogwarts and whatnot.

Stanley knocked on the door to Voldemort's house. "Hi, how are you?" a surprisingly feminine voice said. "Are… are you Voldemort?" Dennis asked. "No, silly, I'm his lovely wife, Mrs. Riddle!" Come on in, and have some cookies~!" she said. She looked pretty damn good, but she was also bald and didn't have a nose and looked just like Voldemort but in drag, so she actually didn't look pretty damn good at all. "Come on out, Tommy honey, you have some guests!" Mrs. Riddle said. "Just give me a minute. I'M FUCKING TIRED" Voldemort said. "Want to try some of my world-famous cookies? They're made with the sweetest sugar, the most delicious chocolate, and the most mouthwatering souls of the dead you will ever try!" Mrs. Riddle said. "Sorry, we're busy, important business stuff." Stanley said. "I'm a fish, so there's that" Dennis said. "Do you want some fish food?" Mrs. Riddle said, but before Dennis could answer, Voldemort came out of the hallway.

Holy shit, the years have not been kind to the poor guy.

"Alright, what did you- **POTTERRRRRRRRRR! I WILL ENSURE THAT YOU! WILL DIE!**" Voldemort said. "Dude, do you want a drink to wash down all that ham?" Stanley said. "**SILENCE, FOOL**!" Voldemort screamed. Mrs. Voldemort said, "Come now, there's no reason to get all riled up over some silly-" "**I SAID SILENCE! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!**" Voldy screamed. But then Stanley Potter used his magic on Voldemort, but he didn't no any spells, so he just said a bunch of gibberish and hoped something would happen. Sure enough, he used a "turn-victim-into-an-Axolotl" spell, which turned Voldemort and Mrs. Voldemort into Axolotls. "**YOU CAN'T KILL US, WE'RE AN ENDANGERED SPECIEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!**" Voldemort screamed, but it had no effect on Stanley Potter, who stepped on the Axolotls, and thus killed Voldemort. "**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**" Voldemort screamed as the second MacGuffin came out, which Stanley then put in his hands. "SUCCESS MOTHERFUCKER!" he screamed as he put the MacGuffin on the Huge-Ass Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker. Suddenly, Stanley got a call from his Stanoscope, which had a phone function. "Hey, just to let you know, don't worry about fighting Voldemort, I'm all better now!" Harry said. Stanley replied, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK"

**To Be Continued! SEE YOU ALL IN CHAPTA FOUR!**


	7. Chapter 4: Brian Dies Again

_**CHAPTER 4: BRIAN DIES AGAIN**_

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, has anyone else heard that sweet new sound that it makes when you submit a review?

Stanley, Dennis, and Larry were soaring over the Atlantic Ocean, bored as fuck. "Where are we fucking going, anyway" Stanley said without any emotion. "**THE NEXT MACGUFFIN IS IN THE HANDS OF BRIAN GRIFFIN**" Larry said. "Brian Griffin? From Family Guy?" Stanley asked. "**YES. BRIAN GRIFFIN FROM FAMILY GUY. WE HAVE TO KILL HIM.**" Larry said. "Aww, but I like that show" Stanley said. Suddenly, Larry's main screen displayed that one part of Spiderman 2 when Peter's boss laughs and says, "You serious?" Anyway, Larry was nearing the town of Quahog, so they landed in the backyard of the Swanson's house.

"OKAY, LET'S DO THIS, NOW!" Stanley screamed as he, Dennis, and Larry made a pose just like the one the Power Rangers do and stuff. "**HEY, I NEED TO FLY AWAY TO KEEP US FROM BEING CONSIDERED SUSPICIOUS, SO IF YOU NEED ME, TOO BAD**" the Huge-Ass Motherfuckin' Mecha Robot Motherfucker said as he flew through the sky.

"SHIET" Stanley said as he realized that they were stuck in Quahog. "I can't allow you to go further…" a mysterious voice said. Stanley looked over his shoulder and saw, on top of a tree, a strange figure that looked like him! And just then, the figure jumped down and revealed itself as…

…**YENTSLAX!**

"Who?" Stanley asked.

"YENTSLAX!" Yentslax said.

"I'm afraid I don't know who you are" Stanley said.

"I AM YENTSLAX!" Yentslax said.

"Yeah, I got that part" Stanley said.

"I am an evil version of you! I was sent here to destroy you once and for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Yentslax screamed as he was punched miles away. By Dennis, no less. "Alright, now we need to find the Griffin house!

So, they put their ears up to the walls of each house. In one, they heard stereotypical black people. That was clearly not the Griffin's house. In another, they heard Patrick Warburton. Clearly, that wasn't either. In another house, they heard things that would drive any normal human insane. Hellish things that no mere human could comprehend. No mere human but Stanley, who shrugged and decided that wasn't the Griffin's house either. But then they heard strange noises coming from another house. It sounded like Paris Hilton fucking a mailbox! "That's it! It's a cutaway gag! That must be the Griffin house!" Stanley said as they ran towards the house. "WAIT!" Dennis said. "We can't just barge in! We have to think… CREATIVELY!" So, they peered through the window of the Griffin's house, where they saw the whole family watching TV. "Heheheheheheheheh" Peter Griffin said. "This is just like the time where Charlie Sheen ate a lemon!" Suddenly, Charlie Sheen appeared behind them, and ate a lemon. Then, Charlie Sheen disappeared into nothingness. "Heheheheheheheh" Peter Griffin said.

Suddenly, the Griffin's TV started to act strange. The channel changed to fuzz. A strange looking figure was identifiable, though. "**GOOD EVENING, HUMANS. I AM THE LEADER OF THE XAXYLAXIONZ, AND THIS MESSAGE CONCERNS AN INDIVIDUAL KNOWN AS BRIAN GRIFFIN.**" "Oh crap, this has to do with me!" Brian said. The illusive figure continued, stating "**IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE IS AN ASSASSIN IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, ATTEMPTING TO KILL YOU. THIS INDIVIDUAL IS BALD, WEARS A RED SHIRT, AND HAS A GOLDFISH. MAKE SURE YOU PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THIS DEADLY ASSASSIN. IN ADDITION, WE WILL SEND YOU SUPPLIES TO ASSIST IN YOUR PROTECTION IN TWO DAYS. WE WILL NOW RESUME YOUR PATHETIC EARTH PROGRAMMING. END OF MESSAGE.**"

"Oh shit, this is bad!" Brian said, running up to Stewie's room for protection. "Don't worry, Brian, I'll make sure they don't get you!" Stewie said, bringing out a gun. "If you are listening, assassin, give up! Don't you dare touch my best friend! I WILL END YOU!"

"Fuck, this was supposed to be the easy one. But NOPE, our old buddies, the Xaxylaxionz, have to come on in and interfere and ruin our perfectly good assassination. FUCK." Stanley said. He was upset. "We're just going to have to kill Brian before the Xaxylaxionz arrive in Quahog. But we're not going to get anything accomplished while it's on their minds, and they are most prepared for somebody to break in and kill Brian, so let's get some rest." Dennis said. "Yeah, but where are we going to get rest? The Huge-Ass Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker is away, trying to divert attention. And apparently, he's done a piss-poor job at it. So where are we going to sleep?" Stanley asked. "I'll let you boys sleep in my house" they heard. It was Herbert.

"Stanley" Dennis said.

"Yeah?" Stanley asked.

"Run like hell" Dennis said.

So, they ran like hell, and rented a room at a hotel. Later that morning, they began Operation Kill Brian!

Brian and Stewie were inside, watching a documentary on the Monkey-Slug, and vomiting because holy shit they are horrifying. But they're kinda cute in a very very very strange way. Brian heard a car honk outside. They looked outside and saw a Prius! "It's beautiful…" Brian said, pissing himself. He walked up to the car, where they saw a guy with a big moustache and a sombrero. "Buenos Dias, señor, I am Gonzalo Gonzaling Gonzales, let's go get some tacos and nachos and have a fiesta mi hombre! Arriba!" he said. "Yeah, sure, let's go!" Brian said and he, Stewie, and Gonzalo Gonzaling Gonzales went out to get tacos. Stanley looked at them, disguised with a post-it note, with "DEFINITELY NOT AN ASSASSIN" written on it, and said, "FUCK."

So began Operation Kill Brian V2!

Stanley and Dennis were out of sorts, so they got emphysema. And then this would be the final cut of they ermend yes no we ll quite the las vegas pyramid is eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

…

…

…

Operation Kill Brian V3!

Stanley poisoned a dog bone, and threw it under Brian's door. They hid under one of the Griffin's cars, waiting to see what would happen. But then the bone was thrown back outside. And someone planted a grenade on it.

FUCK

Operation Kill Brian V4!

Stanley got into a yellow jumpsuit, and brought out the Chainsaw of Destiny V, now taking the shape of a katana, as he went into the Griffin house. As he got inside, he saw that Brian had a shotgun. Yeah.

Operation Kill Brian V5!

Dennis dressed as a bear, and started running at Brian. He locked the door.

Operation Kill Brian V6!

Stanley showed Brian some Dorkly comics. He found them tolerable.

Operation Kill Brian V7!

I've got nothing.

Operation Kill Brian V-Oh Fuck It.

So, Stanley and Dennis seemed to be defeated. They didn't manage to kill Brian in two days. They looked up in the sky as the Xaxylaxionz were flying in. So, Stanley and Dennis hid in a bush to spy on just what this Xaxylaxion supplies was. A Xaxylaxion was talking to Brian, and he handed him some small item. "How is that going to take care of us?" Stanley said, spying through his Stanoscope. Then, they looked closer and saw that it was a key. "But what is it a key to?" Stanley wondered. "Probably that" Dennis said. Stanley looked to what Dennis was pointing at and saw a gargantuan spider mecha armed with lazors, cannons, and lazor cannons. "Fuck" Stanley said. They looked closer and saw that Stewie and Brian were walking into the spider mecha.

"Fuck Fuck" Stanley said.

"Excuse me, there wouldn't happen to be any assassins in here, would there?" Stewie said. Stanley was in panic as he saw that the humongous spider mecha had a lazor cannon aimed directly at Stanley and Dennis.

"Fuck Fuck FUCK!" Stanley said as he and Dennis just barely dodged a lazor shot by…

**XAXYLAXION SPIDER MECH**

**MALKATROIX!**

So, they ran for their dear lives, barely dodging the giant lazors fired by Malkatroix. "This'll teach you to try to kill me! Now DIE!" Brian said, using massive flamethrower cannons coming from Malkatroix's arms. But Dennis had water cannons, because he's a fish and all, and fired those to extinguish the flames spewed by Malkatroix. But not all was well, because Malkatroix still had one giant lazor, and it knew that this would easily kill Stanley and Dennis.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck fuck fuck" Stanley said as they ran. But run all they wanted, they still would be unable to avoid Malkatroix's lazor of death. But just then, Stanley and Dennis were grabbed by two giant robot hands that flew off into the distance, just barely avoiding the giant lazors of doom! Those were the hands of the Huge-Ass Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker! "**DID YOU MISS ME?**" Larry said. "Holy shit, that was close!" Dennis said. "Look, we need to kill the fuck out of that thing. With you, that should be piss-easy. Do your shit!" Stanley said, as the Huge-Ass Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker began to orbit around Malkatroix, at a speed too fast for Malkatroix's lazors to hit them. So, the Huge-Ass Motherfuckin' Mech Robot Motherfucker got right on the joints of Malkatroix's legs, and cut through them like… …er… ….scissors cutting paper? I dunno, but the point is that the Omega Lazor Chainsaw Dickblade cut through Malkatroix's legs easily. And with that, Malkatroix was stationary. So Larry picked up the head of Malkatroix, where Stewie and Brian were controlling it, and slammed it repeatedly against the ground. Then, Larry let Stanley out of him, and dropped him into Malkatroix's interior. Inside, Stewie and Brian were ready to kill Stanley. It was time. Griffin vs. Griff. Who would win this epic duel?

Let me rephrase that question: Who has the Chainsaw of Destiny? My man Stanley. He had it. So he killed Brian. Yep. Just like that. It was a total curb stomp, with Brian getting fucking owned by the Chainsaw of Destiny V. All Brian had was a freakin' shotgun. See, let me put this into terms that you might understand.

Rock Scissors

Scissors Paper

Paper Rock

Chainsaw of Destiny All of that shit.

Anyways, out of his corpse came Brian's MacGuffin, the Tractifier! This allows the user to go on long rants that have nothing to do with the topic at hand. Boy, do I hate Chilli's food. I just can't stand the way it tastes. It's just awful. And people are going to agree with that statement! Why? Well, when the affected group hears you, they will immediately side with your opinion, or become a strawman and become an easily defeatable foe!

"**GOOD JOB, STANLEY. BUT HE'LL PROBABLY BE BACK IN, LIKE, TWO EPISODES OR SOMETHING.**"

Brian's corpse then began to rot.

"What makes you think that? That would be just silly! Hahahahahahahaha!" Stanley said, as they did the whole obligatory "Everyone Laughs Ending" thing. "Well, on to our next target. We're on a roll!" Dennis said as the crew flew off into the sunset, ready for their next adventure.

Back in Quahog, Stewie looked at Brian's corpse, sobbing. "BRIAN, WHY?" he said. But Peter, Lois, Meg, and Chris really didn't care. "Eh, he'll be back in another episode. Calling it" Quagmire said.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**IN CHAPTER**

**V!**


End file.
